Musings of a Lost Explorer
The VagabondA Scare and My Parents’ 50th anniversary !
This year my parents celebrate 50 years of their marriage ! And it’s a moment to cherish for sure ! My parents were getting ready to check out couple of restaurants/banquet halls to mark their anniversary and shortlisted family and friends to invite for the special day. Here in USA , my sister and I were surfing the web to come up with ideas and gifts to equal the occasion.
With all this going on, I got a call from my dad yesterday afternoon informing me that my mom was admitted to the hospital after she collapsed in the morning. My dad with the help of a neighbor rushed my mom to Nikhil Hospital where doctors conducted all tests including CT scan to check for the cause of the collapse. Eventually, it’s been concluded that her sugar levels were low. My mother was on saline and glucose drip ( this part is still vague). I spoke to my mom for few seconds …she was too weak too talk.
For few moments I just froze and then became relieved that my mom was OK..not 100 % but could talk to me. I informed my sister and brother who immediately called my dad and we all rallied around. In the night my sister and I spoke at length trying to assuage each other’s fears of declining health of my aging parents. We were helpless in USA and my parents ( though will never say it to us) probably missed having one of us around especially at such times.
My parents are very independent…as much as they can be but such a scare had me wondering ? Should I uproot them from their comfort zone and have them in USA, near us so that we can take care of them ? Both my mom and dad are reluctant whenever this topic comes up. I am in a quandry …I will visit them, but is that enough ?
I am confused and can’t think clearly. It’s difficult but life’s full of tough questions anyway.
I spoke to my parents again. The doctor ruled out any problem and my mom was discharged. But the nagging question stayed in my mind all day and no solution visible in sight. I have to find some solution where both are comfortable but I don’t know what it is yet !
Anyway, I am going to convince my parents to carry on with 50th anniversary celebrations whenever they are upto it …it will probably mask the scent of fear and uncertainty for few days.
I feel all emotional and probably a good talk again with my siblings will help the decision making process. Till then I can only wish my parents A VERY HAPPY 50th and be there for them soon !
My pet peeves
Ok ! I promised myself when I recently took to blogging…let me not whine about things that bother me . Let me stick to topics that really make me THINK ! But, it is hard ! And I am breaking the rule …
My 10 pet peeves therefore are listed below :
1. I hate people asking me if I am thinking about going back to work ! All the time…no one is content to accept me in a SAHM role. And probably think I am goofing off ….
2. In-laws whose opinions on daughter-in-law duties are archaic ! If I start venting it will take 50 blogs and even then it would not be enough !
3. “Your kids are sooooooo quiet !” Why ? Do they have to be little demons and make mayhem or be loud ? Good behavior equates to being Quiet ? Since when ?
4. People who are bean counters and question you on the price of everything ? How much was your house ? You furniture cost what ! Am I spending your money ?
5. People who call you and ask….’Did I disturb you ? Were you sleeping ? ‘ Ahem,yes and that’s why I answered the phone
6. Show-Offs. Self-conceited pigs who constantly live on the I planet and never ever think about anyone else. Hello, can you not deflate me with your ego-balloon.
7. People who run to answer their cell-phones in middle of a conversation. Good manners, anyone ?
8. Women with too much perfume ! Ok, we know you love Vera Wang…but does everyone else has to suffer the stench !
9. Nosy people who want to know your visa status …Are you a Green Card holder or H1 ? None of your business, surely !
10. People who play the victim. Constantly blaming the spouse or children does not arouse any sympathy from me !
What’s your grouse ?
Childrens’ Books
I am at a crossroad where I am trying to expose my kids to Indian mythology and culture. Crossroad because there is conflicting emotions of balancing the exposure with my own cynicism of certain aspects of Indian heritage.
Firstly, there is so much gore and anger involved. Pick up a Amar Chitra Katha comic and there is reams of violence, superstitions and exaggerated sense of duty and righteousness. Then there is insufficient material using appropriate kid friendly language introducing South Asian kids in USA to the actual concepts of Hinduism. Culminating with my own interest in exploring every religion and imbibing elements of tolerance.And trying to teach my kids to be good and be accepting of all faiths. Whew !
It’s a herculean task for sure. Hiding under a rock would be much easier.
Complicated as the process seems to be, I was determined to find information that I deemed right for my kids. My intense web search has been arduous to say the least.I explored and explored and came up with zilch.
Yesterday, as we were celebrating India Day Celebrations, I came across what I am hoping to be an answer to my quest. Books designed for kids of Indian descent in USA. Two enterprising women took upon themselves to create Jay and Juhi series where geographical, religious,cultural , language fundamentals are covered. Alongwith noteworthy graphics and CD.They don’t have tons of books but I think it it would a great start. And probably bring peace to my mind. And my family who think I have gone nuts !
Anyway, long story short…I think it’s a beginning and hopefully the kids will learn and appreciate India in it’s true glory. Of it’s immense history of being a secular country. Amen !
Rejuvenated !
4 days of vacation probably counts as a mini siesta for lot of people…but it feels like I recharged my aging cells just before school starts. The daily routine of constantly entertaining my kids and chauffering them around made me go bonkers. I was screaming like a banishee for some peace. Thankfully, I get some ‘ME’ time but obviously a very careful, planned in advance ‘ME’ time. But the kids’ summer vacation was beginning to show my frayed nerves to one and all.
So, when Kumar dangled Ocean City, Maryland as a bait, I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Ocean City was Bliss city for me and the family. We were beach bums for all the 4 days we were there. And it was super relaxing. We would drag along the paraphernalia of a colorful umbrella and beach blankets and spread out on the not-so-crowded beach and sun ourselves to glory. The kids made their sand creations and lapped up the waves. And I got a chance to tune everything out. A couple of books from the library and I was set.
Cycling, strolling and sunning did lot of good. Our moods got better , and tolerance levels went up.
I felt totally rejuvenated, literally.
Now, we are back home and I think this paradise will hopefully last for few more hours and I can finish all the chores and catch up with my volunteering work which btw is getting more fulfilling …a newsletter and walk a thon are on the cards and I am excited by that.
I loved my family vacation and am all armoured again to tackle the seige of kids, chores, volunteer work, not necessarily in that order….but energized batteries will probably see me through fall and winter and spring and hopefully another vacation will be round the corner to oh so rejuvenate me !
Fortify Me !
OK…it’s a weak attempt at pun. I turned 40 in February 2008.. And couple of good things that happened should be mentioned !
I had week long celebration…starting with a surprise party thrown by a good friend. Then , Mamma Mia show tickets for Broadway ! ( ABBA come back …have a world concert …please !) courtesy Kumar. And, then a surprise again ….where Kumar had my friends and my sister and brother along with their families show up ! This after a week of my actual b’day !
The sweetest was the actual day of my b’day where the kids sang ‘Happy B’day Mommy…you are now really old ‘.
Then the icing on the cake…Kumar handed me a magazine and an envelope. A magazine listing the latest car/suv/sports car models and an envelope….
Excited, I scanned the contents in the envelope. The letter inside stated that for next 5 days I would be handed a an envelope which would describe the gift for the day. I had the option of accepting or rejecting it. If I accepted the gift of the day then I would fore go my remaining gift options. If I rejected the gift of the day I would have to wait for the next one to be handed to me the following day.
Five days of my choices included cars, spa and salon, gizmo’s, laptop/desktop, shopping in European cities. Alongwith a magazine to appropriately help me decide.
I was greedy ! I waited till the end of the 5th day to make the decision.
Secretly, I was very thrilled with my husband’s romantic gesture….who thought he would plan to this much extent !!! I did choose my gift very carefully after weighing all the options.
Hey I did not want my b’day week to end ! When I turned 30, I was so blase about it , now that I am 40 all I can say it’s got it’s upside. And I have nonchalantly slipped into the 40s mode.My life is different. In my 30s I was a career woman and still settling in this country and looking to find like-minded friends. In my 40s I am glad I am not in the rat race, though I may get back to it sometime. I lead a fuller life. It’s fortified and vitalized by my kids and a good husband, ( ok, I admit it only once) my motivating friends and I have a better grip on life in USA.
For me life has begun at 40. I am fortified by the fact I discover new interests and sharpen old ones.
What’s your story ?
Pro-choice or anti-abortion ?
The topic of birth has ardent vocal support in USA. Either you are pro-choice or anti-abortion. There is no in between. Year 2009 will unveil the new president of USA. John McCain , in my opinion will shoot down any proposal for development of women’s health rights inclusive of birth control pills coverage and advocate abstinence. Basically he will stick to the conservatives agenda. Barrack Obama may differ purely because he is a Democrat. But politicians are spouting their views with both eyes on the votebank.
Do we care that Niketa in India wants to abort her 25 week old fetus as her unborn may have a heart condition requiring pacemaker all his/her life. Or that an American teenager wants to give her baby up for adoption because she is anti-abortion. What would you have done if you were in either situation.
In my opinion it’s an extremely painful choice for the woman. Whatever the reason, if both partners are strong to make and live by the decision, then so be it. I mean, in India, I don’t think this was such a emotional issue. After all population control, poverty , illiteracy are forefront issues. But, I am surprised by the ferocity and vehemence , that this topic evokes. I guess I am not so affected is what I am trying to conclude. But are you ?
Coffee Capers
On her visits to US, my Amma thumbs her nose at the American coffee ! Only pure South Indian coffee … 80% Plantation and 20% Peaberry blend makes my parents call it real kafi. MY MIL, on the othe hand says she will adapt to the Green label Chicory coffee. Because you see she is sooooooo adjusting. Give her pure coffee, and every relished sip will make her forget her good flexible intentions.
I love a cup of java, like any red blooded Southie. In fact caffeine shot in the morning pumps my sluggish adrenaline ! But would I call myself a die-hard coffee kafir ….No. In fact , I am ambidextrous in beverage-speak. I drink coffee and tea without so much of a flinch. Coffee rules supreme. but, I can survive without it.
This year my dad was willing to experiment. We went to Starbucks, specialty stores and Trader’s Joe to search for a substitute blend. Thus, began my coffee education. We bought different coffee beans, had them ground finely, coarsely, roasted, deep roasted, dark, light….you name it we tried it ! Mocha, latte ended being as the poor cousins. Espresso curried some favour. But anything else was below Coffee Maai ka Lal’s dignity !
Out appeared the Stainless Steel filter and we would patiently wait for the the dark ‘decoction’. And taste test. With boiled milk as the essential additive. Boiled, u see as homogenized, pasturized milk tastes better only when it is boiled. And probably purifies the milk of it’s American-ness
Eventually after hazaaar taste testing days, we came to the inevitable conclusion. Only pure coffee for us.
My BIL also hunted high and low for the authentic South Indian taste. Serendipitiously, an Indian store shipping genuine Indian coffee beans satiated his thirst. His research made my mom brim with milk of joy ! Salvation at last ! She can now enjoy the coffee in US.
After all Indian Peaberry-Plantation blend can never take the place of Colombian arabica.
Do Women Love Sports ?
We all love sports ! Men and Women…only the different kinds ! No double entendre, intended ! Now women especially from the subcontinent are into spectator sports…we love watching tennis, cricket, football…. but can we really call ourselves sport enthusiasts ? The ones who really follow the game we love ?
My love for cricket doubled with Indian Premier League (IPL). The purist would argue that Twenty20 is hardly cricket…but I was glued to every single match. And, in the process gained knowledge not only on the rules but finer details of the game’s techniques.
I find that I can only enjoy the semi-finals and final games in tennis. And the same goes for American football…..I view some games purely for the sake of Tom Brady.
My sister watches the NFL and NBA with a passion. The playoffs and the matches leading to the exciting final. But her ilk belongs to a minority. So when a movie like Bend It Beckham revealed the reason, the puzzle unraveled itself.
We view sports as pastime . ! It can be a hobby not a profession for women. Chak De delightfully depicts it.
I tried very hard to count the names of Indian sportswomen. P.T.Usha, Shiney Abraham, Sania Mirza….Amita Modi and then drew a blank. Errrrr…..can someone help ?
So, I have this crazy idea for a poll….ask friends and other kind women bloggers for their input. Do you love a game and understand each and every rule of the game ? If so, which one? Would you allow your daughter to harbor a dream on becoming a professional sportswoman ? What do you think ? Any feedback will be duly recorded as a statistic.
